wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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