Ketchup is God's man juice
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize