OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
