physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
