I didn't shave. On purpose
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
