Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
