I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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