also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
