does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
