I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Green mimosas i think yes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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