I am in a vortex of obligation.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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