If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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