can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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