im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize