I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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