i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
