I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
