Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
