Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize