that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
