I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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