Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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