i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
