i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
