Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
