I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
