non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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