Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
