cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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