I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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