how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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