Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
