I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
