Porn is love you can see.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she peed on how many people?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
