p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
