I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize