i think i have two assholes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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