Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
