The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
