Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Church boner. Awkwardddd
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
