I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
