your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
