Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
