what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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