Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
