We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
