I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
