Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
