New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
