SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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