My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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