I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
