i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
