if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
