i think i have two assholes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
