well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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