so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
