I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
