"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
