margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
