Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
