I need to stop coming to work sober
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
