i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
