Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
