YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
