4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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