Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
