Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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