I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
