its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
