Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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