Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
